Things I have learnt when I lost my father .

1.People Die

Every time when I used to go to some other’s funeral I was not affected much. I always ignored the fact that people who are loved by me one day I am going to lose them. Its a universal truth one day you are going to lose people and one day you will be lost .

2.Life goes on

People who love you will be affected while you will die but they will not die without you . Its a harsh truth. If you are loved by so many people dont think they can not survive without you . Dont give yourself so much importance. When someone deeply in love with you ,you start taking them granted, you think they are dependent on you and you start behaving like you are the only reason that they breath . Do’t do that . Be humble be gentle and love them back 200% .

On other hand sometimes you totally ignore your self for your loved ones. Do not do that also ,after you they will get another reason to live and that is totally fine . Life goes on people would not die with you .

There is a thin line between arrogance and self stream. never be arrogant if people love you also never break your self stream if you love someone.

3.Express your love

If you love someone ,express your love every single moment . You never know how long they are with you . If you love your parent , brother , sister , friends, children. just let them know that you love them. Do special things for them . Say them several time that you love them. Make them smile . Give them comfort. Eat with them , cooke with them , spend time with them. Make them feel special. Endure pain for them .Let them know that they are best for you , let them know that they are the reasons for someone ‘s smile , Let them know that they would never suffer alone with grief.

4.Saving is necessary

My father was a simple employee of a semi government firm called ITI . Our basic need was fulfilled , we eat well , we wear well , we spend on vacation, we have TV ,fridge , radio, disk player etc. not of very top model but in medium range . My father was very strict for budget and he save a part of his earning in funds , life insurance etc . We could have top brand things , we could have expensive tv, fridge etc but my father chose to get simple stuff . rest he save for future. When He died there was no one in my family who can earn . But we never saw lack of any thing when it came to eat , wear and living standards, why ? because of my father’s savings. We collected all his funds , insurance and small investments he used to do while he get bonus and invested all money in some government schemes so that monthly cash flow can be maintained via its interest . I completed my expensive education of engineering without any debt. I learnt a lesson from him money is not for only entertainment you must save a amount. regularly. Money gives you strength when you are going through very rough conditions. And believe me no matter how many relative do you have how many uncles, brothers, sister you have when you are not here most of them will not even come to see your family . If you are surrounded by some very nice people you must be lucky but do not expect people to help you and your family. When you are in rough phase many of your relatives , friends will be vanished . So for sake of your bad time save some money when you are enjoying your good time .

5 People will be filtered in your bad time

Once a friend of mine asked me “you always says there is always. something good in bad . Now tell me what is good when you lost your father . You suffered, you cried, you felt pain , your family felt grief. What was good in it ?”

I can tell you what was good . Most of people who used to pretended that they care , disappeared. only 2–3 person were there who stand by us in any situation. People were filtered from my life . All stones were. removed from my life only pure gems left and they all were our .Was it not good that we recognised true people and we left all fake persons .

6 Dont expect much from other

Do not expect much from other . There may be two or three people out there who really care. When you share your pain with others 80 percent of them would not even listen it properly 10 percent just dont care 9 percent will be happy that this is happening to you not to them only 1 percent will care and they are genuinely in love with you . Do not expect others that they will do something for your pain . only you are the person who can help yourself. Don’t quit no matter what always believe that one day pain will be turned into peace . When it comes to you if you are helping others do it without a single expectation. Helping other is good but always see profit loss statement is not justified. You help someone just because you think you will get help when time come , is not a good thinking. Suppose you help a person , when you need help he can not manage it .You will increase your grief by just overthinking. So help people as much as you can but never expect much from them . Help other just because it makes you happy .

7 Destiny has a plan

Sometimes you may face situation like everything is finished. You just can not see anything in future. You may feel like darkness all around. You may not see any ray of hope . What you need to do is just stop thinking about stuff and let yourself free . Just go with the flow . Stop resisting . Let the life decide. Just be calm and let the life give you surprises. Sometimes destiny has a plan for you and you just need to go with flow . When I was in my 12th I used to think I would never do engineering. I was thinking about FDDI that is footwear designing. But then I lost my father . I had to pick an option , My engineering entrance examination was qualified and my councling was after 10 days . I was not in condition to pick a suitable option or I did not have. time to look after other career options . FDDI course was way much expensive than engineering . I went with flow I took admissions. My father expired at 17th of july and at 22 th of Sep I was setting in my Computer Science class having no clue what they were teaching me . I was. even unable to understand their fluent english accent . I used to write their word’s pronunciation in Hindi (regional language) . I used to close my room and cry . I used to think I am at wrong place . I used to think I am gona fail . Sometimes I used to think to go back home . I was very depressed and. frightened .Before few days of my sessional (internal test ) I was feeling not well . I was nervous that made me ill. I dropped the examination.

The great thing I did those days that I never quit. I was keep trying to make my self fit in environment. After few months I had some good friends in college. I started enjoying life and I start understanding the lectures of engineering. I started to take. interest in computer science. And I was making myself better every day . I was not too bright student but I dragged myself in above average. Well here is the thing my college toppers are doing job , and I ? I am providing jobs to other .

Once Steve jobs said that “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future”.

8 Do not take too much debt

Once there was a man in my hometown. He used to take too much debt He had ever luxuries thing in his house. He died. He left that luxurious house and too much debt behind him . After only few days of his death people started asking their money back from family. He had only 2 little sons and a wife in his family. Obviously family didn’t have any clue how much they are in debt. They did not even have enough money to pay them. His house was on bank lone . Latter his house was seized by bank . His family had to suffer a lot after him .

My father always said to us “never take debt. In case if you have to take debt you must pay them as soon as possible. Your first priority must be pay your debt if it requires, eat less but pay your debt.” I never see my father in debt though we live simple life . May be he took some debt but his any debt was not unpaid. That is why after almost 10 years of his death no one ever came to us asking. money back .

9 Take care of your siblings

You must be lucky if you have siblings. No matter what differences you have with your brother or sister if they are in trouble you must stand by them. My father had 4 brother alive and one sister. When he died and left us alone only one of my uncle was with us . Rest never visited us . No phone call no meet ups nothing . They do not even bother to ask us if we are eating, do we have food ? as my father was the only person who was earning and we did not have any sources of income before we arranged his funds . My mother has 4 sisters , 2 brothers and their family but only few lets say one or two person supported her . I learnt a lesson from there If a person is in grief he/she do not need your money so don’t worry about it all he /she wants a support, a person who can listen, who can keep him/her calm , who say everything will be fine don’t worry I am with you .

Remember your brother’s , your sister’s ,your friend ‘s family is your family. , and family stick together even in bad phase of life .

10 Time heals wounds

You may be in deep pain you may be hopeless but believe me time heals all kind of wounds.You just need to believe that something good is about to happen. You are here not to suffer. All pains one day will be vanished. Believe in god or in nature .

Try to be happy and help people, love people, take care of other people. If you had faced some bad situations and you met with some pathetic people in your life , it doesn’t mean that. all world is bad . Just spread the love. and yes earth is round you get what you give may be it takes time but it will come back definitely.

S.Anand